salinger

   You know, this story's really bogus and all, I mean, the wolf really didn't eat me, it ate a few sheep like all wolves do but do you really think I'm gonna just stand around and let some goddamn wolf run up and eat me for chrissakes? That'd be like running in front of some goddamn train yelling "Hit me! Hit me!" like some goddamn moron. I mean, who's dumb enough to just stand there and let some wolf run by and take a big bite of him? It'd take a real moron to just stand there and wait for a bunch of people to save him from the wolf when he could just climb some goddamn tree. Anyway, like I was saying, the wolf really didn't eat me, I mean, it took one hell of a good shot at it, but I got away. But instead of telling the real story some phony named Ae-something decides to make it into a fable or something. A fable for chrissakes. Supposed to teach kids not to lie or something, like they're actually gonna listen to some goddamn fable.
   Anyway, I was sitting on top of the hill watching the goddamn sheep just sit there and eat the goddamn grass, do you know how boring that is? Watching sheep eat grass I mean. People say there's nothing more boring than sitting and watching the grass grow, like I'm gonna sit there and watch some grass grow and then get all excited and all. But what's even more boring than watching grass grow is watching grass grow and then watching some goddamn sheep come along and eat all the new grass. Just sitting there watching that made me mad, I mean, watching grass grow is boring and all but that grass must have been trying really hard to grow, I mean it doesn't do anything else does it? It just grows. But it made me real mad 'cause I started thinking what it'd be like to put all your effort into growing this really nice bit of grass and having some goddamn sheep come and eat it as soon as you've grown it. Boy that made me mad. So I was sitting there thinking about grass growing and sheep eating it and I just kept getting madder and madder so I just decided to yell 'wolf' at those stupid sheep to scare them a bit. To tell the truth I didn't mean to yell so loud, it wasn't like I was trying to tell everyone that there was a real wolf for chrissakes, I was just trying to scare the goddam sheep. But things didn't work out so hot, the sheep just stared at me and all the goddamn villagers came running up with pitchforks looking for the goddam wolf. With pitchforks, christ that killed me. If you'dve been there you would have laughed too, seeing them come running up with the goddamn pitchforks looking for a wolf. I guess they thought I was foolin' them, 'cause of the way I was laughing and all so they got real mad and started yelling at me about my big responsibility in caring for the sheep. Like the goddamn sheep are gonna go anywhere, they just stand there and eat the goddamn grass. Anyways, after a while they finished yelling and went back and I went back to watching the goddamm sheep eat the grass until it was time to take them back to the goddamn village.
   The next day it was all the same: grass grows, sheep eat the grass, I sit there and watch it all. So I got to thinking of things to do, I mean, just something other than watching the sheep eat the goddamn grass. So I started imagining some big giant wolf coming out and eating all those goddamn sheep and all. It killed me the way he'd lick his lips and grin before eating the next sheep while the rest of the flock just stood there. Anyway, I was imagining this giant wolf coming out of the woods so then I started imagining what it'd be like if a real wolf came out. So I was imagining a real wolf coming out and all, and it's starting to get late so there are all these creepy shadows everywhere and I'm thinking some giant wolf is gonna jump out any minute. I'm sweating like a bastard and I'm getting really spooked by now so when I hear this rustling I just start screaming "Wolf!" at the top of my lungs and climbing a goddamn tree. So the villagers all came running with their pitchforks and I just start laughing like a madman again on account of them looking so funny and all. I mean they looked like they were going to some goddamn war for chrissakes. I guess they thought I was fooling them again cause they didn't even try to look for a wolf or yell at me, they just went home. Eventually I climbed back down from the tree and took all the goddamn sheep home. None of them had moved more than a goddamn foot during the whole thing.
   So the next day I head out with the sheep again and I'm just sitting there watching the sheep eat the goddamn grass when a real wolf pops up and grabs one of the sheep. No kidding, a real wolf grabbed one of the sheep and ripped it's throat out, just like that. So I start yelling "Wolf!" at the top of my lungs and running for the trees like a madman with this goddamn wolf chasing me for chrissakes. And if that wasn't enough nobody came so the goddamn wolf ate like half the flock. No kidding, he just ate a few and then ate a few more and the goddamn sheep just stood there and got eaten. Eventually he left, the wolf I mean, and I climbed back down and took off for the village to tell them some goddamn wolf ate half the flock. So the real moral of the story is: don't get stuck watching the goddamn sheep.